MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA: User Guide and Manual
by have-a-cookie
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit. This manual was made to ensure that you, the user, could get as much potential from your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit as possible.


**MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA: User Guide and Manual**

**CONGRATULATIONS! **You have just purchased your very own MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit. This manual was made to ensure that you, the user, could get as much potential from your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit as possible.

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Mitsukuni Haninozuka. He will also respond kindly to "Honey", "Honey-senpai", and "Honey-chan", a bit wary at "Low Blood Pressure Beast", and a bit violent to "Nii-chan" (as he will at first assume you are a YASUCHIKA HANINOZUKA unit.)

Age: 18

Place of Manufacture: Tokyo, Japan

Height: 145 cm

Weight: 41 kg

Length: Well, he certainly makes up for his height, if that's what you're getting at.

**Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit comes equipped with the following:**

One (1) Ouran Academy uniform

One (1) Patent leather school bag

One (1) set of dojo approved attire

One (1) wardrobe consisting of expensive clothing

One (1) Usa-chan plush

One (1) Pink flannel blanket

One (1) Inflatable pink inner tube

Ten (10) boxes of various types of sweets

**Programming**

Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit is equipped with the following traits:

Host: This is what your unit was specifically manufactured to do. He is known at the "loli-shota" of the host club and can/will charm any lady with his smile and love of anything sweet. His presence around you, the user, will cause most women (those who have a loli fetish anyways) to become instantly jealous.

Lovely Item: Are you portrayed as a bully? Do you scare or frighten your peers? Fear no more, for your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit is here to help. This "lovely item" as he is known as will instantly make you become more approachable. Just place your unit upon your shoulders and instead of coming off as frightening, your fellow peers will now view you as the kind and protective type. Though, we cannot guarantee your unit as a permanent lovely item status if a TAKASHI MORINOZUKA unit is nearby.

Bodyguard: While he may not look it, your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit is quite the martial arts expert. He'll easily take down any opponent that might be threatening to harm you. As a bonus, you'll always have the satisfaction of teasing them in the future by telling them they got their asses kicked by someone who looks like they're eight.

Chef: While your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit enjoys purchasing his baked goods, he will still willingly make his own. He also doesn't mind sharing, so go for eating as much cake as you please, just as long as you leave the strawberry for your unit (Warning: we are not responsible for any dental bills).

**Removal of your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA from packaging**

Don't take your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA's usual temperament as a sign that there is no correct way of waking him up. If you think that, you are mistaken. We are obligated to tell you that your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA is type AB blood and is therefore incredibly cranky if woken up improperly. However, there are a few ways to avoid his terrifying, as well as slightly adorable, wrath.

Method 1: Cut a piece of cake and place it in front of the box. Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit should instantly be awoken and start banging on the box, asking for cake. Tell him he must calm down before he can get any. Once all is quiet again, it's safe to open the lid. Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit will thank you for the cake and then proceed to inhale it. It's now safe to reprogram him.

Method 2: Get a TAKASHI MORINOZUKA unit to awaken your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit. While the MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit will still likely be irritable, he'll likely calm down in the presence of his cousin and then proceed to ask for some cake and his Usa-chan.

Method 3: Sacrifice a TAMAKI SUOH unit. This will be by far the most amusing way to awaken your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit, though we are not liable for any damages that may occur to your TAMAKI SUOH unit. Simply place your TAMAKI SUOH unit within five feet of your unopened MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit and let him ramble for a while. Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA will awaken shortly and begin attacking your TAMAKI SUOH unit (ie. Biting, chasing, kicking). After a few minutes he'll get bored and ask for some cake.

**Reprogramming**

Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit is reprogrammable with the following modes

_Loli-shota (default) _

_Adorable (default)_

_Low Blood Pressure Beast_

_Serious_

_Seductive (locked)_

Your unit comes preprogrammed in his _Loli-shota_ and _Adorable_ modes. In these modes your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit will eat lots of cake, cuddle with his bunny, and be overall a very cute and easily lovable companion.

Unlocking the _Low Blood Pressure Beast_ mode is quite simple. All you must do is wake your unit from his afternoon nap or while he is resting at night. In this mode your unit will be violent and unforgiving for waking him up. The consequences will be dire, and again, we are not liable for any damages your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit will cause to you, your other units, or your property. If you wish to relock this mode, grab the nearest TAKASHI MORINOZUKA unit you can find. He'll calm your unit back to a more stable level.

The _Serious_ mode is also easy to unlock. Place your unit by a YASUCHIKA HANINOZUKA unit for long periods of time (we are obligated to warn you that the two will fight immediately upon sight of one another). Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit will become a chastising older brother and will lecture the YASUCHIKA HANINOZUKA unit about liking what he wants to like. If you don't want to unlock the mode this way, simply place your unit around the entire Host Club Unit Set. Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit will eventually become serious as he watches his friends interact.

_Seductive_ mode is the hardest to unlock as your unit typically enjoys acting like a child. Though to get your unit in this mode, we advise first getting him into _Serious_ beforehand. Though not impossible, it's a much more difficult task to jump from _Loli-shota_ to _Seductive_. After your unit has been put into _Serious_, tell him casually about your (non-existent) love life. Ask him about his and let it sink in that he's never actually had any type of sexual encounters. Once he realizes this, be a bit alluring (and creative) with some cake. Results vary with this method. You can hope to be lucky.

*Note: To get your unit out of this mode, start crying (whether or not they are real tears will not matter). Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit will feel incredibly guilty and will begin to apologize profusely, loan you his Usa-chan, and get you some cake.

**Note: You will **NOT** be able to get your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit in Seductive mode with another unit; if anything, they will seduce him.

**Relationships with other Units**

TAKASHI MORINOZUA: This is the unit your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit will get along best with. The two are cousins and are incredibly close. The TAKASHI MORINOZUKA unit acts more or less like a guardian and protector for the MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit and their relationship is very loving. It's highly suggested to buy the two units together, as one will start feeling lonely without the other.

YASUCHIKA HANINOZUKA: While your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit creeps this particular unit out a bit, he still cares very much for his brother. Upon seeing each other for the first time each time they meet, the two units will fight until one is pinned or admits defeat. Don't be too alarmed when this happens, it's just typical Haninozuka training.

HARUHI FUJIOKA: Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit enjoys the company of the HARUHI FUJIOKA unit and also respects her love of strawberry cake. He likes the HARUHI FUJIOKA unit, though not in a romantic sense (*Note: It is possible for the two to create a romantic relationship given the time and if there are no TAMAKI SUOH, HIKARU HITACHIIN, or KAORU HITACHIIN units present). He often considers her to be like a sister and often calls her "Haru-chan."

**Cleaning**

Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself, regardless of the fact that he may not look it. While he won't reject a bath with you, it's not recommended that you ask. We're not liable for any nosebleeds that may befall on you because you did not follow our advice.

**Feeding**

Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit has the appetite of a child. He enjoys all types of sweets, though his sweet of choice is strawberry short cake. Do not be alarmed when you see the amount of cake your unit eats, it's perfectly normal. Be more worried when your unit refuses to eat cake at all. Besides cake, he likes most fruit. Anything else you might try to serve him could land with an injury on your part.

**Rest**

Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit often goes to bed early and wakes up early, though he enjoys taking frequent naps throughout the afternoon. Do not disturb him during this napping period. If you do so, you will be harmed. If you do not allow him to take his nap at all, you will be harmed. If you really need him to be woken up, sacrifice a TAMAKI SUOH unit or get a TAKASHI MORINOZUKA unit to wake him up gently.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q. I've accidentally spilled something on Usa-chan and my MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit went on a rampage. No matter what I do, he won't calm down! Help!

A. Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit is very attached to his Usa-chan. Get a close by TAKASHI MORINOZUKA unit to assist you. He'll distract your unit long enough for you to go and dry clean the Usa-chan. If there are no TAKASHI MORINOZUKA units nearby, you're sadly on your own.

Q. My unit is sulking and I'm not quite sure why. Is there any particular reason he's so depressed?

A. Likely, your unit just had a row with his brother, or perhaps had a fight with a TAKASHI MORINOZUKA unit. Give him some cake and let him take a nap. He should be fine once he wakes up.

Q. My unit came home with a bandage wrapped around his face and is crying! What's going on?

A. Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit did not brush his teeth regularly and now has a cavity. You'll have to refuse him any kind of sweet food until he gets it filled. Then, you'll need to monitor his oral hygiene routine for a few weeks afterwards. It's really nothing to worry about (though your unit will likely be more irritable during this time and will refuse to talk to any TAKASHI MORINOZUKA units).

You'll find that most problems with your unit not listed here can often be solved with some cake or a TAKASHI MORINOZUKA unit.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: When I opened my package there was a taller blonde boy with glasses and a stoic attitude in the box instead of my beloved Honey!

Solution: Oops! It seems that we have sent you a YASUCHIKA HANINOZUKA unit by mistake. This unit typically has a cold exterior and is the polar opposite of his brother. If you do not wish to keep this (slightly more sane, though not nearly as cute) unit, feel free to ship him back.

Problem: I've run out of money trying to buy my MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit some cake! At this rate, I'll be broke by the end of the week.

Solution: We apologize, but that is one of your unit's traits you will just have to learn to accept. Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit will forever love sweets and will not stop eating them. If this continues to be a problem, tell a KYOUYA OOTORI unit to stop being so stingy and to give your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit more allowance.

**End Notes**

All things considered you've picked a very amiable unit to become your newest companion. Your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit, provided that you've read the manual, will enjoy the time spent with you as much as you enjoy the time spent with him. Good luck!

-x-x-

**A/N: I'm sorry, but I just couldn't resist. I'm totally willing to do the other members of the Host Club if you guys want (as well as other series – I'm bored, so feel free to request characters). **

**Idea was inspired by several character manuals here on ffnet, though I think the original creator of them was Theresa Green. **

**Do not own Ouran. Do not own format.**


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